Fumbling Towards Ecstacy

by Angela on May 20, 2012


I love this song, and the lyrics really speak to me at this point in my life. Enjoy!

All the fear has left me now
I’m not frightened anymore
It’s my heart that pounds beneath my flesh
It’s my mouth that pushes out this breath

And if I shed a tear I won’t cage it
I won’t fear love
And if I feel a rage I won’t deny it
I won’t fear love

Companion to our demons
They will dance, and we will play
With chairs, candles, and cloth
Making darkness in the day
It will be easy to look in or out
Upstream or down without a thought

And if I shed a tear I won’t cage it
I won’t fear love
And if I feel a rage I won’t deny it
I won’t fear love

Peace in the struggle
To find peace
Comfort on the way
To comfort

And if I shed a tear I won’t cage it
I won’t fear love
And if I feel a rage I won’t deny it
I won’t fear love
I won’t fear love
I won’t fear love…


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What do you mean you can’t see the clothes?

by greythinking on May 19, 2012


Emperors New ClothesThe following quote is from an author named Judith Schwartz, who wrote the book: The Therapist’s New Clothes. Psychology Today wrote a very interesting article on the novel and on being addicted to therapy.

“…Hans Christian Andersen’s The Emperor’s New Clothes, a tale about con men who promise an emperor a new suit of clothes invisible to those unfit for their positions. When the emperor parades naked before his subjects, a child cries out, “The king has nothing on!”

Judith identifies with the emperor who allows himself to be duped because of his own self-delusions. Therapy, she says, deceived her into thinking she was in more in control of what was happening to her than she was and that “through reason, determination and an outlay of cash” she would be able to overcome a lifelong depression.”

I never thought of relating therapy to The Emperor’s New Clothes, but it’s a a really clever allusion.  I think it sums up one of my fears in trusting a therapist.  Maybe I’ll call it the Emperor’s New Clothes Phenomenon.  Hmm.  Anyway, I think this can be a big misconception.. that through the magic of talking about your childhood, therapy can cure all of your ills.  You show up, talk a lot, get some sage advise from your therapist, and bam!  Mental illness cured.

She is understandably angry, more with herself than with her Freudian clinicians: all those years wasted in misery, the attention she didn’t give the people she loved. Her self-preoccupation and childhood focus had put a great deal of tension on her relationship with her parents and distanced her from her husband and son.

I’ve never done true psychoanalysis, but have had therapists who leaned in the direction of psychodynamics.  I won’t lie and say I don’t think there’s any use in talking about past stuff – because in a lot of scenarios there is.  However, there have been times when I explored my childhood and all the possible problems that went along with it, and still didn’t really feel better (nor was my eating disorder better).  My therapist would tell me how much progress I was making and how I was having these great breakthroughs, and I decided I’d just have to trust her, because I really wasn’t sure what she was talking about.  At some point I just got angry, because I felt that there was so much going on in my life NOW that was significant.  Plus, I was spending so much time reading old journals and thinking about things that happened fifteen years ago.  I was not very present in my own life.

Judith articulates this beautifully in one line:

“With my mind free of the minutiae of self-analysis I can tune into what’s around me in new ways”

Anyway, I think that some individuals believe that there are two types of people in this world: Those who’ve had therapy and those who have not.  The people who have processed their unconscious thoughts and all of the significant events in their life have some kind of self-enlightenment.  Those who haven’t are walking around in the dark.

The next time my therapist asks me “How do you know when you are done with treatment?,” I am definitely going to answer “When I can see the invisible clothes.” (Though, that comment might actually land me in several more months of therapy…)

Picture Credit: Annie White at Studio Whites


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Someone Please Send a Memo to My S.A.D.

May 19, 2012

I’m not updating as frequently these days, although not for any particular reason, I think I’ve just been in a bit of a doldrums and haven’t quite known what to say.

Event hough Match and I definitely agreed the last visit was our best ever, for some …

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20 Reasons Recovery is Awesome

May 18, 2012

One of my readers sent this list to me, and I had to share it.20 REASONS RECOVERY IS AWESOME1. With each new day, I look less and less like a sickly little fuzzy rat-person.2. My butt is coming back! And it’s sexy!3. There is more h…

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Conclusions

May 18, 2012

“I’ve come to the conclusion that I would rather stop failing at recovery, and just be who I am. I’m tired of fighting the eating disorder.”I said these words to my nutritionist this week, and was surprised at how much I meant them. I want to apologize…

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Separate Selves And Becoming Whole

May 17, 2012

I didn’t go to work yesterday. In the morning, I had a doctors appointment, and I was going to go back in the afternoon, but I felt emotionally exhausted and drained. It has been a rough couple of weeks when it comes to feelings. I’m not always sure wh…

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Butterfly show

May 17, 2012

Last week, my dad and I visited the Conservatory here which is hosting a Brazilian themed butterfly show. Though I do love butterflies, I was a little disappointed overall, just because I wanted to see more species. It seemed I just kept seeing multi…

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Upside Down And Backwards

May 16, 2012

If I give in, I’m a failure with my greedy wants and needs. I stand in the kitchen, open cupboards, examine the calorie contents of foods that I may allow myself, only to be riddled with guilt for even the thought of eating. Even the oatmeal and banana…

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Check out "Body of Evidence"

May 16, 2012

Last week, I received a wonderfully unexpected email in my inbox from my editor at Psychology Today. I had been working with her on a piece about eating disorders (it will appear in the July/August issue), when she asked me to join the Psychology Today…

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Random whine

May 15, 2012

Some days, I just think that it would be nice if life only threw one or two things at me at a time. These days, I feel like my life is one never-ending game of Whack-a-Mole. During the day, I’m chasing down writing stuff. Lately, given my publishing dr…

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